Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Patrick goes into a Dublin florist shop and says,

"I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend."

The florist looked at him and said, "Certainly Sir, what is it you're after?"

"A @#$#" Patrick replies.

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and checks his appointments and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber says to his apprentice "I think that guy must be another barber thinking of setting up in this area. Follow him and see if you can work out who he is and where he goes."

A short while later the apprentice comes back. "I don't know who he is but he must be a friend of your wife. After he left here he went to your house!"

Ed Milliband was visiting a London primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr Milliband if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.


So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'

A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playin' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'Incorrect,' said Milliband. 'That would be an accident.'


A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not', explained Milliband, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Milliband searched the room.


'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said:

'If a plane carrying you and Mr Balls and Mrs Harmen and all the other LAB members was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic' exclaimed Milliband, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'

'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a accident either!'

Insert any politicians you want.

Thought this worth sharing.

That seems totally logical to me .

Graham Norton runs one on the Daily Torygraph - not quite the same thing .

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............. This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Richard that is mad & maddening!

I'm left-handed, I don't expect my right foot to be smart!

Me too but it seems to be