Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Brilliant.

I forwarded it to my cousin who's a retired chief super in the Met. He loved it.

Brilliant. Love it!

John, I thought Keynsham was all about 5 Boys and Turkish Delight?

No, No Horace Batchelor advertising the pools on Radio Luxembourg giving out the address in Keynsham .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydQ8I-qLH4o

Richard, clearly NZ is over Policed.

Wiltshire has close to 500,000 inhabitants, excluding the Pongos.
There are times when there are less than 10 Police Officers on duty in "public facing duties". So that is one per 50,000!!

We pass through Keynsham occasionally but I've never been tempted to stop.

So that's what happens in the big mill.

Great spread Richard. Excellent.

This I think is rather good....given most of us are not in the first flush of youth!

Subject: Lovemaking Tips For Seniors
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Oxygen ready in case you actually complete the act..
8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. ......

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN..
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .
'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.
'OLD' IS WHEN....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

And another set...


When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, best strategy is to dismount "

However, in Management and Government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing Consultants to to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course....

13 Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Excellent Peter - thanks ...loved all those...particularly ...

The Facts!!!