Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Groan..

Ooh!

HANDYMAN HUSBAND

Wife texts her handy husband at work on a cold winter morning:
"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"

Husband texts back:
"GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER
OVER THE EDGES
AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY
WITH HAMMER"

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW’’

Genius! I genuinely laughed at that.

A father gave his son the following Relationship advice,... but what happened next is priceless .

Mike was going to get married to Karen , so his father sat him down for a little chat .

He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother and said, " Here try these on"

She did and said , "These are to big; I can't wear them."

I replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will."

Ever since that night we never had any problems .

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here- try these on".

She tried them on and said, These are too large, they don't fit me" .

Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.

I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said,

"Here- you try mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Karen said, Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

Brilliant!!!

Worthers +8

ALTAR BOY’s CONFESSION
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'
Thepriest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll nevertell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months’ vacation and five good leads.'

Very good

Excellent John .