Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

A man died and went to heaven..

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,

"What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man.

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Nigel Farage's clock?"

"His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

PS. In Italy it would be Matteo Renzi's clock

One for the guitarists.

A musician was in court for attacking his wife. He testified that she had nagged him so much about the excessive number of guitars he owned that he had just snapped, grabbed the nearest one and hit her over the head with it.
The judge asked "First offender?"
He replied "No, first a Les Paul, then a Fender..."

He must have been really angry to use a Les Paul!

Never any point using a Les Paul as an assault weapon, the headstock will break off and then your hands will slip off the neck. Any self respecting guitar-playing psychopath would know this

A man goes to see a hearing specialist as the annoying nagging sounds emanating from his missus have started to become somewhat indistinct.

The ear doctor asks him to describe the symptoms

"Well" he repliies, "They're yellow and blue; Homer is a lazy fat bloke & Marge, his wife has hair like a clipped hedge"

Very good!

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men ?.

A man is at work one day and spots his mate wearing one .

He knows his mate to be normally a conservative fellow
but is curious about his sudden change in "Fashion Sense".

He walk up to him and say's " I did not know you were into earrings ".

"Don't make such a big deal, I'ts only an earring," He replies
sheepishly.

His mate falls silent for a few mins , but then his curiosity gets the better of him . "So how long have you been wearing one ?".

"Ever since my wife found it in my car ".

I always wondered how this trend got started ; now I know.

ps. Now watch all the mog owners looking at each others ears when they meet up .

PMSL...

Very good JT!