Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

It's a cracker !

I saw this in a local shop.



I subscribe to this sentiment:

I'll certainly go with the second one Peter!

Here's one for the bacon lovers:

After his medical examination the doctor asked the elderly Mr Barrow, "You appear to be in very good health for a man of your age, do you have any concerns or anything you'd like to discuss with me?"
"Well actually doctor only one thing is concerning me these days" said the old man "After I have had sex with my wife the first time, I am very cold and chilled to the bone. However after the second time I am very hot and sweaty" The doctor replied "That is strange Mr Barrow but at your age you should be quite pleased with the achievement"
Some time later the doctor examined Mrs Barrow. "You appear to be in very good health Mrs Barrow do you have any concerns or anything you'd like to discuss with me?" Said the doctor. She replied she had no concerns or any questions.
The doctor then asked " I hope you don't mind me asking this Mrs Barrow but when I examined your husband, he stated that he was concerned that he was very cold after the first time you have sex and then very hot after the second time. Do you know what he is referring too?"
"Silly old sod" said the wife "Thats because the first time is in the winter and the second time is in the summer"

Nicola Sturgeon was visiting a Scottish primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs Sturgeon if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So the illustrious SNP leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.
A little boy stood up and offered, "If ma best freen, wha’ lives on a ferm, is playin' in the field and a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a tragedy."
"Incorrect", said Nicola, in her best trying-not-to-sound-too-patronising-Scottish-accent, "That would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand, "If a school bus kerryin' fifty children drove ow’r a cliff, killing a'body inside, that wid be a tragedy"
'I'm afraid not', explained Nicola, "that's what we would refer to as a great loss’’.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Nicola searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a wee lad raised his hand and, in a quiet voice, said: "If a plane kerryin' you and your deputy ' wiz struck by a 'freendly fire' missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Nicola, "and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Weel", says the lad, "it has tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss, and it probably widnae be an accident either!"