Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Men's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear 'the rules' From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

A great summary!

+1, tho' I do slightly take issue with "1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question."

example; "Which is your favorite Morgan" ?

Since the question mark is outside the speech marks clearly NO is a valid answer in this case. As there is no "which" model of Morgan

Top punctuation advice. You are truly Australia's answer to Lynne Truss.

Just read this out to the Misses.....she just Groaned

United Airlines training video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVQcXR2HVhw

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say just two words every seven years.

After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass. They again summon him and ask for his two words. He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.

Another seven years pass, and they bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.

"That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."