Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

Sent to me on another mail list (Royal Naval Amateur Radio Society):

News Flash!

A lorry containing Vic’s Vapour Rub has overturned on the M25; police are reporting no congestion for the next twelve hours.

Oooh. You have a nose for bad jokes.

That must have been on the Two Ronnies surely

Pollyfilla have anounced a diversion into pet food.
Starting with parrot food.

I dropped my nasal inhaler when I was in Iceland.

Reykjavík?

No, fortunately it has a strong plastic container.

Shamelessly stolen for Facebook

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."


An Irishman walks out of a bar...
Well It could happen.

Two men were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
family values.
Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married,
did you?"
Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your
mother, cause I still have mine."
___________________________________________

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the
divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife £775 a
week,"

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few pounds myself."
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said,

"I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

“ Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids."
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse
he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
wife."
___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Gypsy Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
___________________________________________

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell."
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and asks him how he is feeling.

"I’m O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor
used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"Oops!"
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a two piece or an
all-in-one?"'

"Better get the two piece," he replied. "You'd never get it all
in one."

He's still in intensive care.
___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap
of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well,
she's there."

Love the first one .

HIGNFY

Theresa May excited about release of her new film.