Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

No..... had control of the tv pinger and I was bored.

HIGNFY

As Cassini crashes into Saturn, scientists keep close eye on another distant automated object being drawn helplessly to its destruction.

Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.
The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland .

After a little while the Victorian woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
Again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"

The first woman went on, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"

The first woman then asked, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Mount Isa lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "What on earth could they teach you??"
The Mount Isa lady responded, "Well as an example... instead of saying, "Who gives a F...?" I learned to say, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?”

Promoters have cancelled a music event in Cornwall. Cream and the Jam were both playing but it couldn't be decided who went on first.

Ryanair have just introduced another add-on charge.....
They add on £50 if you want a pilot.

If they can find one...

One Hell of a Day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making, biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. "When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. "I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man . . . and then my dog bit me. "

So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole thing! "

But . . . enough about me. How are you doing?"

The oldest computer

can be traced back to Adam and Eve.


It was an Apple

But with extremely limited memory


Just 1 byte.


Then everything crashed.

🤓👍
excellent!