Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

A bit like a dog I saw a few weeks ag.
He was chasing passing cars. Why? He couldn't drive one if he caught it.

All very good.

Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.
After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."
"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir".
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please."
O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."
"I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

This sums up the Tat thing quite well..

+1

How about "My other car is a Morgan"?

By the way, I quite agree. I find tattoos (and piercings) on anyone, male or female, quite repulsive.

What, even earrings?

Tats and piercings, like so many things in life, can be done well or badly - and sadly many of them do seem to be a bit crap. On the other hand, my mate's wife has a rather beautiful tattoo of climbing roses on her upper arm and shoulder, I think it looks great. Not that I'd ever contemplate one for myself, but I can see why people do it.

On the piercngs side, I'm not a fan of the more aggressive style of stuff, but 'Er Indoors has got at least half a dozen earings in each ear, and nobody has ever accused her of being repulsive.

No, I wasn't referring to earrings, rather the nose, tongue, lips, eyebrows and other weird places.

I must admit that my attitude towards tats has hardened over the years as the occasional small tat has now become full body on some people. It is one of those things that the more I see the less I like it.

One for the cat lovers .

Yes, I confess to getting a bit grumpy when I see people with rubbish facial tattoos. I can't help thinking they've done it to deliberately make themselves unemployable so they can then spend the rest of their lives sponging off the rest of us.