Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Gotta love older people!

While Bob was sunbathing naked at the beach at Green Valley, for the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman, you'd lift your hat.."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "Madam, if you were better looking, it would lift itself."

My therapist told me that a good way to let go of my anger is to write letters to the people who I hate and to burn them.

I did that, and they were right, I do feel a lot better.

But now I am wondering if I should I keep the letters?

A man was in the dock accused of exposing himself to a woman.
On giving evidence the woman said...
As I walked past I saw his thing sticking out.
The man said from the dock.
Don't flatter yourself madam, it was only hanging out.
He got a suspended sentence...

All very good!

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you
in a while.. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooed in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "Can you lose an eye just from bird poo?"

"It was my first day with the hook."

Someone said they would attack me with the neck of a guitar

Is that a fret?

No....he was just stringing you along.

Was he a nut?

I guess you would have to defend er yourself.......

James