Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

PMSL

Critical Path Analysis

I TOLD MY SON, "YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE."
HE SAID, "NO."

I TOLD HIM, "SHE IS BILL GATES' DAUGHTER."
HE SAID, "YES."

I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, "I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON."
BILL GATES SAID, "NO."

I TOLD BILL GATES, "MY SON IS THE CEO OF THE WORLD BANK."
BILL GATES SAID, "OK."

I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE CEO.
HE SAID, "NO."

I TOLD HIM, "MY SON IS BILL GATES' SON-IN-LAW."
HE SAID, "OK. "

AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW POLITICS WORKS.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in
influential positions of government.
The practice is unbroken to this date .

I hope they never find life on another planet .
Because sure as hell our government will start sending
money to them .

Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today.
Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout,
"Hi Jack!"

Dear Neighbour

Hi, George, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.

The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently & I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me.

Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you. Regards, Richard

NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE: George, feeling enraged & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.


2nd TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, George, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out & noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

The young couple who have moved in near to me have made a sex tape. Obviously they don't know that yet.

Very good..

Ensure when you visit Scotland the wind is high otherwise this is what's in store

Very good. It seems my Scottish is improving.