Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

A young groom and his best man are stood at the alter waiting for the bride
Just as the Bridal March starts playing and the bride walks slowly down the aisle, the groom whispers to his best man “Have you ever “done it”? Y’know, with a lady like?”
Best man whispers back “Course, loadsa times!”
“How do you do it?” asks the groom………
“Bloody hell!” says the best man – “Bit damn late now!”
Groom says “You’ve got to help.... tell me…!”
Best man says “Ok, has your hotel room for tonight got a balcony?”
“Yeah” says the groom
“Ok – I’ll hide on the balcony and whisper instructions if you need them" says the best man

Later that night, the bride and groom are alone in the Honeymoon suite
The bride say’s “I’ll just pop to the bathroom and get ready for you my love……….”
In a few minutes she floats out of the bathroom, frilly negligee, impeccable hair and make-up, sits on the edge of the bed, flutters her eyelashes and breathes “I’ll be waiting for you…..” whilst stroking her inner thigh and the bedcovers at the side of her.
He gulps, sweat breaks out on his forehead…….
He gathers his pyjamas from under the pillow, picks up his fluffy, bunny eared slippers and his washbag and scurries to the bathroom.

An hour later, she’s still waiting for him………
She’s done her nails and read the Cosmopolitan magazine from the table in the room.
He’s still in the bathroom …………..
She realises she needs the bathroom….. but he’s still in it….
It’s an old-style hotel…… There’s a chamber pot under the bed, so she uses that and then climbs into bed

Meanwhile the groom has finally plucked up enough courage to leave the bathroom (hoping she’s maybe asleep by now……)
He checks the mirror…. Pyjamas buttoned to neck, hair plastered down, fluffy bunny slippers, washbag – Check.
He slips his hand out of the bathroom door and turns off the lights, so she can’t see him tip toeing across the room to the bed……
As he slips silently across the room – she’s left the chamber pot out….. He steps in it…..


“OH NO” He shouts……. It’s got sh1t in it!




And a voice on the balcony whispers “Turn her over ya pillock!

Yesterday it was so cold that I saw a socialist with his hands in his own pockets!

Is that a blue joke?

Hands in pockets?
Last week I saw a Yorkshireman with his hands in his pockets. He was counting his money. His arms were well inside due to how deep they were.
Well, either that or he was unwrapping a Werthers.
Last month in Cardiganshire they held the pocket orange peeling world championships. Top 3 were local Cardi’s again. Same every year. The winner had the best pocket to mouth segment transfer...concealed by a cough tp keep the judges socially distanced.

Trump has tested the Russian vaccine. According to him there are no side effects

So true. So true

I bet he has claimed the cost against tax too.