Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Monday Smiles

if you cut a coconut in half and hang it on a piece of string in the garden, not only will it provide nutritious feed for birds, it'll also serve as a warning to other coconuts not to come into your garden

Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time...

Home Alone

Although Jesus was known as a carpenter I was surprised to learn he didn't sing on any of their songs

If Jesus was Jewish why did he have a Spanish name?

I threw a ball for my dog.
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

A woman is in a jewellers admiring a big diamond ring.
As she leans down to take a closer look a little fart slips out.
Hoping no one noticed she asks " How much is that one "
The jeweller says " Madam if you farted just looking at it you will sh1t yourself when I tell you the price "

Bloke sets up a brothel in Yorkshire.
Puts a sign in the window whatever you want for 5.00
Request can only be 3 words though .
First yorkshire bloke goes in and says " straight sex pls "
Has his fun and pays his fiver and goes.
Next bloke says " whip my arse "
She thrashes him he pays his fiver and leaves
Third Yorkshire man says "paint my house"

Same Yorkshireman takes his dog to the vets.
Vet asks "what's up with the little fella?"
"He's swallowed a condom vitinary" replies Arkwright
"Oh this is serious. We'll operate right away. Head home, put t'kettle on and we'll call you with an update"
Later that afternoon Arkwright calls the vet. "Vitinary, about the dog... Don't bother the missus has found a spare condom in the bedside cabinet"

Me too!

Well done Alan, one of the best so far I feel.

That's so funny Alan :-)