Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Just a smile.

+1

Me: Can I have a go in the hedge now please?

Hedgehog: No!

Tunnocks tea cakes are the unsung hero’s. Bringing the stranded astronauts safely back down to Earth 🪂

When I flew to the Orkneys, the inflight meal was a Tunnocks Caramel Wafer. Not much good for a starving vegan, but the other half benefitted.....

That's the valance sorted then....

An elderly couple entered a McDonald's and sat next to a table where some young people were having dinner.
The old man walked over and made the order for himself.
He unwrapped the burger, cut it in half and put one half next to his wife. Carefully he counted all the fries and did the same.
He dipped 2 straws in the soda and put it between himself and his wife.
The old woman began to eat her half of the burger, while people stared at her compassionately.
A young man approached them and offered to buy them another portion of food.
The old woman replied not to bother, as they were used to sharing everything.
People realized that the old man had not eaten, he only watched as his wife ate.
The young man approached them and repeated his offer.
This time it was the old man, who explained that no, they were used to sharing everything.
The young man then asked the old man,
And what are you waiting for then?
THE
TEETH!!!

What does an Ilkeston lass use for protection when she makes love?



A bus shelter …..

I woke up to find my dog lying on the patio, covered in dirt, with a rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was not bloody, just dirty. My neighbour's kids raise prize winning rabbits and I knew immediately it was one of theirs. 😢

I immediately took the rabbit from my dog, ran inside and washed it thoroughly before the neighbours returned. It didn't move, but I remembered that some animals pretend to be dead when they're scared, although I couldn't remember which ones. So I picked him up and sneaked him back into one of the cages in the neighbours' garden, then quickly slipped away (don't judge me! 😒)

Less than 30 minutes later I heard my neighbours screaming, so I went outside and asked them what had happened.

They replied that their rabbit had died three days earlier and that they had already buried it... and now they had found it in its cage. 😳

(Credit to the rightful owner ✍️)

There was a national poetry competition with two finalists, a university student and an old bloke from the outback.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says:
"Across the desert sands,
crossed a lonely caravan,
men on camels two by two,
destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes,
"Tim and I off hunting went,
found some girls in a pop up tent,
they were three and we were two,
so I bucked one and Tim buck'two."