Stuart I dont write dirty books
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I once remember my old man saying about a chap he had a lived in face he had seen life not avoided it . Try as I have I never seem to walk a straight line there is always somthing to stop me its an everyday thing that I accept . I was at the baths on sat night ( in a swimming club ) while walking past the loo I heard a banging . I had to help a mate out, the door had stuck fast yet it was on un-engaged . I said to my wife we would never be rich but we would never be dull money can't buy that they think I am the village idiot but I can get them laughing in seconds by acting stupid its comes with ease . My mother is in hospital last week while standing with my wife a nurse called Julie Roberts ( sounds almost the same as the actor ) was chatting me up she was stunning . A few nights later again standing with my wife one ran over and gave me a huge cuddle , cant blame her can you
she has good taste . I said when I die and get shoved in the crem there will be a gas strike and those doors will refuse to work. But I never ever loose my sence of humour. Lifes for living and you only get it once so laugh at what it throws at you good or bad enjoying every bit,and I have said to Steve I was the quiet very shy one of my mates .
Heres one before I go as a 16 year old we went to the local Catholic Sunday night school dance . Lemonade and music and GIRLS OF COURSE why else go . At half time we shot out to the nearest pub had a beer and ran back . The Rolling stones was being played and they needed a group to get on stage and mime . We all had the the same front tooth missing Bob it was kicked out by a horse , Brian punched out in a fight, Jack I dont know . Me came off my bike head first. I was Mick Jagger doing strutting my stuff while my mates where behind me pretending to play the instruments .All was going well on the dark stage with the spotlights on us , till my false tooth shot out I knew I would stand on it while trying to get off my cloud and doing his moves . I bent down to pick it up and fell over my mates started to crack up at me it was not long before all of us are on the floor in stitches Jacks trousers split open .Oddly we gave everyone a belly laugh but we did not win .
Jack - stop polishing that car of yours and start writing your memoirs before your memory begins to get gaps. I'd definitely buy a copy if it's anything like as funny as what you post on here...
