Howard as a fellow Yorkshireman and as someone who was educated by Jesuits (and survived !!!) I understand your torment and confusion.
I agree with Ewn I believe you have lost the joy in seat of the pants motoring..the pleasure of going on mad jaunts like my wet trip down from Newcastle just because I could.
I often do 100 mile bike rides to hurt myself a bit (the Jesuit influence !!) and feel great afterwards..indeed after writing this I will bike 70 miles to Humber Bridge ,stand on the top ,amd say a prayer for you !!!!
There will come a time when I am not fit enough to do these things so I savour every trip..it makes me feel ALIVE !!!
Howard..say three Hail Mary's and 12 Our Fathers and you will be absolved.!!!