Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

good, but can you hold off till Friday, i like to be depressed the other days of the week and it is only Tuesday

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go
Friday's child work's hard for a living
Sataday's child is loving and giving
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day is both bonny blyth bright and gay.

Now watch everyone find out what day they where born Friday for me . You can't skip Sunday

It was Monday for me.

Thursday

Tuesday - don't think that applies to me...

Cinderella was now 75 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a dog-called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied: "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
"I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.

Cinderella was stunned.
Alan, her old faithful dog, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother."

The Fairy Godmother replied, "It is the least I can do. What does your heart
wish for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again."
At once, her wish having been desired became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall youhave?"
Cinderella looked over to the frightened dog in the corner and said: "I wish you to transform Alan, my old dog, into a beautiful and handsome young man."
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a man, so beautiful, the like of which she nor the world had never seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke:
"Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life."
And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having my bollocks chopped off now, don't you?"

An English man an Irish man and a Scot's Man
walking about in the desert almost dead with thirst .
The English man said Jock ,Paddy if I die first I want you to bury me face down in the sand I don't wish for those barst*tard bird's that are hovering about up their to get my eye's.
The next day he die's Paddy and Jock bury him face down and cover him with sand.
Jock turn's to Paddy tha's nah a lot oh teem left fo ma Paddy yah can dee thah same for me laddie .
The next day Jock die's and Paddy bury's Jock face down and cover's him with sand .
Paddy is wandering around and he think's
Jezus Irl be next Irl dig ma grave noo
He digs a grave gets in and cover's his body
leaving his bare ar*e sticking out of the sand
A g*y arab riding past on his camel
look's and say's ooo,w it's my lucky day they grow wild round here and jumps off his camel
Paddy burried in the sand
Shout's out
YA CAN PECK ARL YA WANT BUT YAH'L NO GET ME EYE'S .

Wise words from Socrates


Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say.. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.


It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife .

and I thought you were an angle

Steve, you should know by now that JTL is no angel or even an 'angle', as you put it.....

...he could be angling this joke at someone though.....it's all elementary dear Watson... ....