Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

A man was driving along the motorway when he saw two penguins standing on the hard shoulder. They looked lost, so he picked them up and put them on the back seat of his car. He then goes to the petrol station to fill up and whilst he is there the attendant notices the penguins in the back.

He says to the man “What are those two penguins doing in the back of your car?” The man says “I found them on the road and they looked lost so I picked them up”. “You should take them to the zoo” replied the attendant. “What a good idea” said the man, and then paid for his petrol and drove off.

The next day he went to the same petrol station and the same attendant serves him and notices the penguins are still in the car. He says to the man “I thought I told you to take them to the zoo” The man replies “I did, they loved it, and now I’m going to take them to the movies!”

letter to the times re miles kington ,sadly departed,
le naval parlance
the french navy have adopted a new uplifting slogan to spur its seamen on to valour and glory in France's hour of need

" To the water! The hour has come!"

or , in french

"A l'eau. C'est l'heurre"

(Thank you Peter Rafter who kindly sent it to me several years ago!)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some b**tard has stolen our tent."

A little Girl is watched by the neighbour digging a hole in her back Garden.

Neighbour " what are you doing" ?
Little Girl " I am burring my Goldfish"
Neighbour " that is quite a size hole your digging for a Goldfish
Little Girl " YES its in side your frecking Cat

A classic pmsl

For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night. She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.

He says, "I wanted to suck your t*ts dry and f**k your brains out."

"Well, what do you think today?"

He says, "I think I did a good job."

Wayne Rooney has been told he will not be allowed to leave to one of United's main rivals, which currently rules out Norwich and Southampton