Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

So thats why machine guns are popular in America

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one blistery cold day.

The daughter said to her mother, " My hands are freezing cold".
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up".
The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said ,"My hands are frozen cold ".
The girl replied, "Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up ".
He did and his hands warmed up.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold".
The girl replied, "Put them between my legs , the warmth of my body will warm it up".
He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid".

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she asks, "Have you heard of a penis ?" .
Concerned the mother said, "Why yes.....why do you ask?"



The daughter replies. "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!".

Very good.

A nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning when she asked the question.
"When you die and go to heaven ... which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said , "I think it's your hand's",
"Why do you think its your hand's Suzy ?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together infront of you and God takes your hands first..."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johny raised his hand and said , "Sister, I think it's your feet".
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face , "Now, Little Johnny , why do you think it would be your Feet?".
Little Johnny said, "Well , I walked into mommy and daddy's bedroom the other night , Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh! God , I'm coming!... and if daddy hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her".

The nun fainted.

What goes;
Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop
BANG!
Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop?








Wait for it...











An Amish drive by shooting.

Groan..

There were five in the bed, and the little one said -

"These NHS cuts are getting a bit much."

A teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work their daddies did.

The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers.
One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.
There was much laughter and screaming, that is apart from little Tommy.
“Tommy, why do you look so sad?” asked the teacher.

Tommy slowly rose to his feet, and replied: “My Dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”
The other children remained silent, as Tommy continued.

“Sometimes, he doesn't come home, and my Mummy sits crying.
Sometimes, he sells his body for other men’s pleasure.”

There were gasps around the classroom.


The teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go out and play.
She then walked up to little Tommy, put her arm around his shoulders, and asked: “Is all that true, Tommy?”


Scroll down!!!!!





“No, not all of it Miss"

"He really plays cricket for England, but I was too embarrassed to say.”

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No .... ," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible ...... !" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the Rugby World and not use it ...... ? He says, "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married ..... .... "Oh . . ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a neighbour, to take the seat ..... ?" The man shakes his head ... . .,

"No ..... . They're all at the funeral."