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Old Book
by Morganmike - 21/09/26 07:54 PM
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Forums39
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Jun 14th, 2026
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
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Love it. 
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
Time will out as they around my part of the world..... 
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
How do you tell the difference between an NZ Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you..
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do ?
ANSWER:
NZ Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?
5) Am I dressed provocatively ?
6) Could I run away ?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie... Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer ar&e!"
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Apr 2014
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Talk Morgan Sage
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Talk Morgan Sage
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 6,960 Likes: 117 |
Brilliant. And very nearly true!
Best Regards
Lang may yer lum reek
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
Maybe should have been on the World Cup topic..... received from a Friend in NZ. [img]http://i448.photobucket.com/albums/...~original[/img]
Last edited by 4/4sportsfun; 26/06/14 07:10 PM.
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Member of the Inner Circle
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Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Talk Morgan Guru
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Talk Morgan Guru
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BBC Reporter talking to a Police Dog Handler at the Wimbledon Tennis Tournament.
"Your dog is trained to sniff for explosives?"
"Yes, that's correct"
"What happens if she finds some?"
"She sits down beside what she's found and puts her paws over her ears"
Bud
4/4 "Stanley"
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
BBC Reporter talking to a Police Dog Handler at the Wimbledon Tennis Tournament.
"Your dog is trained to sniff for explosives?"
"Yes, that's correct"
"What happens if she finds some?"
"She sits down beside what she's found and puts her paws over her ears"
I believe that the reward the sniffer dogs usually get when they find something is they're allowed to play with their tennis ball for a while. Wimbledon must be VERY confusing....
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,499 Likes: 996 |
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income.
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"
2009 4/4 Sport Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Con Green +8 prev
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646
Needs to Get Out More!
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Needs to Get Out More!
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,646 |
Couldn't decide whether to put this (from the latest Eye) here or in the World Cup thread. As usual, bang on the money... 
Giles. Mogless in Paris.
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