A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it. "CASE DISMISSED!!"
According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.
A country where people are named Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc. And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon . . . who all drank wine!
Now that's what I call a miracle!
:santa2: :snowlaugh:
Last edited by 4/4sportsfun; 09/12/1411:02 AM.
2009 4/4 Henrietta 1999 Indigo Blue +8 2009 4/4 Sport Green prev 1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and will be hidden offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whisky
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer all day.
You know it makes sense! 
:xmasgrin: :santahohoho: