About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:



Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.



Q. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.



Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.



Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.



Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.



Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:



* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka



* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs



* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala

* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea



* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan



* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and will be hidden offshore.



Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1. Spending it at car boot sales

2. Going to night clubs

3. Spending it on prostitutes

4. Buying beer or whisky

5. Getting yourself a Tattoo

6. Visiting a bookie

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )



Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer all day.



John
2015 Plus 4 (GDI) Sport Green