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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few .... I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland ?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"
That's the last thing I remember...
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328
Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
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Gone to Porsche Part of the Furniture
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,328 |
DEMENTIA QUIZ
FIRST QUESTION:
YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?
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ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?
SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)
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ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?
THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.
TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....
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DID YOU GET 5000?
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100 ...
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?
MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...
FOURTH QUESTION:
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:
1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?
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DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!
OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:
A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?
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IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!
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PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
HAVE A NICE DAY, ONE AND ALL.
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,118
Has a lot to Say!
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Has a lot to Say!
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,118 |
Yep got them all wrong thanks for improving my day!!
RogT Old Git Racer ex 4/4 sand 2013
+4 GDI Royal Ivory 2015
Ford Fiesta ST2
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 6,723 Likes: 2
Talk Morgan Sage
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Talk Morgan Sage
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 6,723 Likes: 2 |
Steve
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,723 Likes: 149
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,723 Likes: 149 |
 I'm worried.  got them all correct except the one about overtaking the last. I actually had the answer for that: you are first because you have just lapped the last. In fact you can't be sure of that because any other position in the race could have lapped the last.
Peter ![[Linked Image]](http://bradley.it/public_images/drive.jpg)
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,747 Likes: 419
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,747 Likes: 419 |
JohnV6
2022 CX Plus Four
2025 MG ZS EV aka Trigger
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
Subject: THE WILL
>
> Doug Smith is on his deathbed
> and knows the end is near.
> His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with
> him.
>
> He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be
> in
> place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he
> begins to
> speak:
> a.. "My
> son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.
> b.. My daughter
> Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East
> End.
> c.. My son,
> Jamie, I want you to take the offices
> over in the
>
> City Centre.
> d.. Sarah, my
> dear wife, please take all the residential
> buildings
> on the banks of the
> river."The nurse and witnesses are
> blown away, never knowing the
> extent of
> his property holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse
> says, "Mrs Smith, your husband must have been such a
> hard-working man
> to have accumulated all this wealth".
>
> Sarah replies, “Wealth? .... Wealth! The
> arsehole had a paper
> round!"
>
>
>
>
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 5,181 Likes: 2
Charter Member
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Charter Member
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 5,181 Likes: 2 |
.+8 Now gone for a 1800 4/4. Duratec in bright yellow.
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,723 Likes: 149
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 14,723 Likes: 149 |
Every packet of raisins is the sad story of a bunch of grapes that could have been wine 
Peter
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