Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Back on June 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.


Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very
frail little old Newfie man standing at a small makeshift display rack -
selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Newfie replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are
only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an
over-priced western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!"

"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."

*"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little
neck and choke the life out of you but I must conserve my energy and find
water!"

"Okay," said the little old Newfie, "It does not matter that you do not want
to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me
infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue
over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant.
It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped...


"They won't let me in without a tie!"

Matt get's it every time.

The Lady Dentist
A bloke goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.
As she produced a large syringe to give him an anaesthetic shot, the bloke protested,
"Sorry, no way, no needles! I just hate needles!"

So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, but again he said,
"No, no, I can't do the gas thing either.

Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!”

The dentist then asked if he had any objections to taking pills.

"No problem at all," he said, "I'm fine with pills."

So the dentist gave him two little blue pills which he swallowed promptly.

"What are those?" he asked.
"Viagra," she replied casually.
"I'll be damned," said the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer."

"Actually it doesn't," said the dentist,

"But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out."

is this the longest thread ever on TM ?....Started by 4/4sportsfun a long time since, a few have certainly made me giggle

And long may it continue

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