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Aug 24th, 2023
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR. The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a Well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!' An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.  is this the longest thread ever on TM ?....Started by 4/4sportsfun a long time since, a few have certainly made me giggle 
I put the self etch primer on and left you all to choose and add the colour ...  I've only had two public warnings so far - anyone else.. 
Have you heard the one about the man in a onesie who had to be kept on a leash at TOTH as he chatted up too many ladies....
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209
OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
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OXR 5 L - Learner Plates On
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 209 |
BECAUSE I'M A MAN...............
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine.. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2015, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
I'm liking that a lot  a wee bit confused it's a statement of knowns of course. I did get a bit twitchy on your behalf (having been in the sin bin twice myself) there were a couple of words in the fourth one that I didn't know and just wondered if they could be socially unacceptable - like naming your dog after Guy Gibson's 
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,748 Likes: 419
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,748 Likes: 419 |
JohnV6
2022 CX Plus Four
2025 MG ZS EV aka Trigger
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1
Member of the Inner Circle
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Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 14,976 Likes: 1 |
Richard
1976 4/4 4 Seater
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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,210
Charter Member
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Charter Member
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,210 |
Very good. Also, the stuff about "Men are from Mars & Wome are from Venus". I think there's another big distinction. My  has this thing about men pressing buttons and women don't. I think women just stare at buttons. What's the point of having buttons if you don't press them? 
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
Very good. Also, the stuff about "Men are from Mars & Wome are from Venus". I think there's another big distinction. My has this thing about men pressing buttons and women don't. I think women just stare at buttons. What's the point of having buttons if you don't press them? Forgive me for mentioning this but my understanding of the whole button theory and women was that they don't think that we even knew where they were let alone pressing the correct one on time so to speak - and they have missed the Golden shot....before you know what's happening and yes you know whose fault it will be.... Well have you never asked her loveliness where the remote is ...
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,210
Charter Member
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Charter Member
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,210 |
Very good. Also, the stuff about "Men are from Mars & Wome are from Venus". I think there's another big distinction. My has this thing about men pressing buttons and women don't. I think women just stare at buttons. What's the point of having buttons if you don't press them? Forgive me for mentioning this but my understanding of the whole button theory and women was that they don't think that we even knew where they were let alone pressing the correct one on time so to speak - and they have missed the Golden shot....before you know what's happening and yes you know whose fault it will be.... Well have you never asked her loveliness where the remote is ... Believe you me, Richard! My knows about buttons and where they are but doesn't think they should be pressed! I keep telling her - that's wny they're there. I think it all started when I pressed the traction control button on her TT and she'd onkly had the car a couple of days and the button disappeared into the dashboard and wouldn't pop out. I said it was a fault with the button and she maintained buttons shouldn't be fiddled with. I ask you...
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
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OP
Tricky Dicky Member of the Inner Circle
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 35,776 Likes: 468 |
Very good. Also, the stuff about "Men are from Mars & Wome are from Venus". I think there's another big distinction. My has this thing about men pressing buttons and women don't. I think women just stare at buttons. What's the point of having buttons if you don't press them? Forgive me for mentioning this but my understanding of the whole button theory and women was that they don't think that we even knew where they were let alone pressing the correct one on time so to speak - and they have missed the Golden shot....before you know what's happening and yes you know whose fault it will be.... Well have you never asked her loveliness where the remote is ... Believe you me, Richard! My knows about buttons and where they are but doesn't think they should be pressed! I keep telling her - that's wny they're there. I think it all started when I pressed the traction control button on her TT and she'd onkly had the car a couple of days and the button disappeared into the dashboard and wouldn't pop out. I said it was a fault with the button and she maintained buttons shouldn't be fiddled with. I ask you... Brilliant, they all do that Madam... didn't cut the mustard then Roger.. Mine keeps on pressing each button in turn if they alarm until it shuts up, after dinner will announce that an alarm came up but it's ok it's not anymore and the car is still going very well. By now she has no idea which button actually shut it up so muggins has to investigate with the evidence in hiding, don't you love them. I have told her not to touch the traction control one because believe me it is her best friend she is a very fast driver, and she is fine with that because she understands the thinking behind it.
2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev
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