Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

I'm no expert either but it looks like flat lager. And the pork pie is clearly bought, not home made, and not big enough. And there's no whippet in the background, nor a flat cap.

It's appreciated

Must be Fosters then

Ah yes, Yorkshire. The county that leaves those born/grew up there in raptures. It such a fantastic place why do they leave and then annoy the bollards off everyone by saying what a fantastic place it is?

Yorkshire is north...what else is there ::

There's too much competition back home Ken, that's why so many of us emigrate to the rest of the UK where the pickings are easier!

A history lesson for you dont worry its not about crime. Northumberland went from the Firth of Forth Edinburgh to the Humber river .What is now Yorkshire was Northumberland hence North Humberland ie Northumberland . So no wonder the Tykes call it Gods own county its Northumberland they just stole part without paying again . Time for you to come and see more castles per mile soaked in battles and blood a dialect that goes back several thousand years .It is said that if St Cuthbert returned he would understand it as it has changed little. Once been it pulls you in holds your heart and never lets go, mams father,s family came from Etal area baptised in the castle . At the battle of Flodden looks like my fathers side ( Scots) fought his m in laws side and his f in l side buried them in a mass grave. The locals have a guttural sound and speak from the back of the throat ie turd means toad , perm means poem .
Dad told me on one of his trips back to Gib ( 1939-41 ) after leave the captain sent a message to the engine room for more power . The chap who was in charge was from Ashington Northumberland after his reply the captain needed a translator .



Yorkshire is north...what else is there :: [/quote]

I was born in Halifax, grew up in the Brighouse/Hipperholme area but moved down here we I was eight. The only parts of Yorkshire worth eulogising about are north of Skipton, everything else is just industrial sprawl and crammed with people..

Moving down here has proved to be one of dad's better decisions.

SMILE TO START YOUR DAY ----------

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the
narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and
demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says,

"That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an Arse Hole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number
of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a big gun lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defence lawyer asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH" underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and Hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Arse Hole?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.


How often can one get a solicitor to convict his own client

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