Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Yep they are in deep doo doo

BBC reporting closer to US$25bn - or 2.5 yrs current profit!

Agreed its escalating into melt down.

and claims are probably the smaller part of their problem...

But did they (legally) do anything wrong?

The ECU's were set up so under they met the requirements of the test when the car was operating under the test conditions.

I know what you mean.

I do think it smacks of an engineer's solution. This sort of ruse would hardly raise an eyebrow in F1.

Back in the late 70's, yacht designers were adding "bumps" and distortions to hull shapes at measurement points on racing yachts under the old IOR handicapping system to trick the measurer into calculating a greater displacement (i.e. More weight, which would tend to make the boat slower, leading to the awarding of a more favorable handicap). Not at all what the rule intended, it also led to many of the boats being pigs to sail. Ultimately it spelt the end for that particular handicapping system.

How to tell the sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the Kitchen to find her husband stalking round with a fly swatter.

What are you doing she asked ?
Hunting flies he replied.
Oh killing many she asked ?
Yep 3 Males and 2 females he said.

How can you tell them apart she asked ?
3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone. He replied.

Love it

This carries a health warning for those of a delicate nature i.e. girls.


I received it from No1 Daughter who is a fully fledged woman!


[i]
Billy Connolly's life lessons

Sage advice from the Big Yin:
• Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
•Have lots of long lie-ins.
•Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and, if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction. Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look f*cking great.
•Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
•Never eat food that comes in a bucket.
•If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
•Boo joggers.
•Don't work out, work in.
•Play the banjo.
•Sleep with somebody you like.
•Eat plenty of liquorice Allsorts.
•Try to live in a place you like.
•Marry somebody you like.
•Try to do a job you like.
•Never turn down an opportunity to shout "F*ck them all!" at the top of your voice.
•Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
•Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old.....look forward to it.
•Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.
•Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
•Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when there's spinach on them.
•Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
•Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes.
•If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
•Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
•If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six "f*cks" in it.
•Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
•Don't be talked into wearing a uniform.
•Salute nobody.
•Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
•Campaign against blue Smarties.
•Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say: It's good to be alive
."Never trust a man who when left alone in a room with a tea-cosy, doesn't try it on.
[/i]

Hilarious ...must work my way through the list!