Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

I remember a cartoon in the newspaper many years ago showing two men walking out of a dyslexic society meeting to be confronted by a man with a deer like animal on a lead, one man turns to the other and says watch out hes got a Gnu (gun)

Now we know: I cannot think how we made such a mistake!!

An extract from Hillary Clinton's autobiography, 'The Truth Will Always Prevail'. To be released soon…

Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice. He wasn't the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a bit dirty. Bill voiced
his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice. "Just before the meal, Bill noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was assured that many Chefs did that.

Dinner went okay, although Bill thought that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he started to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had
to excuse himself. "By now, he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. "As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.
As he was about to pass out, this naive girl bent over him and heard President Clinton whisper in a barely audible voice: "Sack my cook"
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred."

I got this brand new infromation on further developements regarding Brexit:

If UK leaves EU - The European Commission has just announced am agreement whereby English will not be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Sehr gut!!

Auf Wiedersehen pet .

Servus.

Es komt gleich dieser sprache !!

Apologies for my poor German

It is rumoured that the UK and USA have entered a contest to see who can screw their country up the quickest.
At present the UK is in the lead however the USA are about to play a Trump card as the decider.

That would be funny if it wasn't so true....