In just five short days, Linus Fuchs and Florian Butts have become the biggest stars in Men’s Field Hockey at the Rio Olympics, after they were photographed from the back standing next to each other in their debut match on Saturday.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his tee shirt. Seconds later he shouted to me, " What settings do I use on the washing machine ?" "It depends," I replied . "What does it say on your tee shirt?" He yelled back "MORGAN"! AND THEY SAY BLONDES ARE DUMB.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says ," I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world ..." The woman replies , "I'll miss you".
"It's just to hot to wear clothes today", Jack says as he stepped out of the shower...What do you think the neighbour's would think if I mowed the lawn like this ?" "That I married you for your money," She replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent , good looking sensitive man? A: A rumour.
Dear Lord, I pray for the Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him ; and patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength , I'll beat him to death. AMEN.
Q: Why do little boys whine ? A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What to you call a handcuffed man ? A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does in mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them to remember which end to wipe..
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails? A: Rename the e-mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world . ....... then He made the world round.
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless." Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..." Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get fucked."
2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa'-me) was attending the first athletic festival in Greece . This festival had no name.
In those days the athletes performed naked. To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on a drink, containing saltpetre before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade of this first great event, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed:"Oh! Limp pricks!" Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into "Olympics".
Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.
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