Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Richard on the subject of Doctors this comes to mind . When Jnr was a toddler she was not very well . So I took her to the Doctors . He asked her the usual questions and she gave him the answers , then gave me her perscription . As we started to get up to walk out his room she turned round went over to him and asked . " Have you any tablets for my daddy" I was thinking what is this about, , the doctor asked , " why do you want tablets for your daddy". Because he is an idiot and I want to make him into a proper daddy" . The doctor looked at me could hardly keep his laugh in , then asked Nikita "why what does daddy do" . So she came out with my nutter dad stuff , the doctor said "its called love and lots of daddies have it you will get used to it " She looked him in the eyes took the huff and walked out . HELL she should know she could never change me . I thought from that look she was going to try to get her doctor struck off.

But he knew my bent sense of humour as when June was expecting , my late dad and brother , brother in laws father in law, friends reps uncles cousins etc etc etc . Could not stop giving me hell with. " Now your sex life is stopped etc etc , not a moment past without a dig . I thought thats its my turn . Went to see my Doctor for a prescription which he wrote out with a grin as he handed it over . I was ready for them now . Everyone that gave me a dig Dad was first I said "not now DAD handed it over it read SEX TO BE HAD THREE TIMES A DAY MORNING AFTERNOON AND NIGHT . I should have kept it . It shut them all up .

Dave uses neoprene only he is surfing the net .

Age catching up. I can remember the days when you would have put .
Ursula Undress Dr. Yes ( PLEASE ) .

Now you really are digging into my archive now John - I do remember saying those things at school...

Two old friends just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you?"
My partner did not turn up."

"Sure", they said , "You are welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course , one of the friends asked the newcomer , "What do you do for a living?".

"I'm a hit man". was the reply .

"You are joking!, was the response.

"No I am not", he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look?
I think I may be able to see my home from here ."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his home .
"Yes I can see my home all right . This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. " " Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom . Ha Ha, I can see she is naked !!
"Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her....
He's naked, too!!!

He turned to the hit man , "How much do you charge for a hit ?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you one thousand pound every time I pull the trigger".

"Can you do two for me now".

"Sure, what do you want."

"First, shoot my wife, she's always mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then the neighbour , he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man loaded his rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not? said the friend impatiently,
"just be patient ," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here"......

Where do you get them from, Jack?

You may have been more lucky than me . I was in an all boys school . Had to walk past the girls school to get there . But the head mistress used to spot me trying to strain my neck into the metal fence to get a better look at the girls each morning . She then phoned the school and the head was waiting for me with his cane . It never stopped me . I just used to while he was flexing the cane as I knew it got to him more that the cane got to me . I do think some of those teachers had a SADO streak .

What the jokes or the hit man .

A cracker .

Yes I think some of them were twisted - we had a sports master that use to chase you round the showers with a plimsoll and let rip with it every so often - not nice..