Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained,
"It's the chemist.
He insulted me me terribly this morning on the phone.
I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone".

Immediately , the husband drove into town to confront the chemist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two , the chemist told him,
"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.

This morning the alarm failed to go off , so I was late in getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car , just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys".
Then, driving to fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, when I was about three streets away from the shop .
I had a flat tyre"
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.
I opened and started waiting on these people , all the time the dam phone was ringing off the hook".

He continued,
"Then I had to break open a bag of pound coins against the cash register drawer to put some change in and they dropped all over the floor.
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick the coins up and the phone kept ringing .



When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer , which made me stagger back against a showcase of perfume bottles on it.

Half of them hit the floor and broke"
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and
I finally got to answer it.

It was your wife.
She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.



And believe me , mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her".

Brilliant, love it!

I may have let the cat out of the bag Graham we all better keep an eye on you doing it at meetings if you do not get served first .

Yup, watch out restaurants!!

Speaking of watch out Restaurants, Just before Xmas, my wife was driving my SUV through the main Restaurant belt in Perth at night to drop one of the kids and her husband of for dinner. A sign that marked the edge of the Alfresco area blew of the footpath and scratched the side of my car (Not visually bad, but still over $1000 worth). I followed up with the owner and after much ducking and weaving and blame laying on their side they stopped any contact. In the end I turned it over to my insurance company, which means I am out of pocket $550 for my excess if they cannot recover from the Restaurant owner.

My thoughts were if I have all the paperwork and the letter from the insurance to recover the money, that I may book a night out for myself and several of my friends at this eatery and when the bill is around the $500 mark I will tell the owner that this is the sum she owes me and we call it square. Do you think this is fair or am I being unreasonable.

Make sure your knee is fully up and running first

Graeme, lots of nasty people out their . Is there no law as over here about it being tied down . Check it out or go and ask the police or a lawyer .

He said.... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it".
She said . "You wear pants don't you" ?


He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said. "That's a good idea - you can stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa".


"He said what have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror!"



On the wall in the ladies room .... My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it..... "I do not"



How many honest, intelligent men does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them


How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.


What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.


Why are blonde jokes so short"
So men can understand them.


How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it never happened .


Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.


Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge .


What is the one thing that all men at singles bar have in common?

They're married.




Man says to God: "God, why did you make a woman so beautiful?"
God say': "So you would love her".

"But God", the man says, why did you make her so dumb?".
God says: "So she would love you".



Now show this to the lady in your life , it may get you some Brownie points .

There is council rules JTL, they are supposed to have sandbags on the legs. Problem is that the Restaurant next door put out the other places sign without permission and didn't sandbag it. The council consider this to hard to work out so they don't care. The owner of the Kebab shop who put out the sign has lost his ability to speak English whenever I approach.

Scary part is that had it hit a motorbike instead of my car, it could have had serious consequences.

Excellent John..

Good luck Graeme that's rubbish. I don't use it at (in read or write) all but they say Tripadvisor can be useful in cases of unfairness, his command of the language might suddenly return.