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Or this....

I suppose whilst we're doing Ryanair gags it's only fair to wheel out that old one about Michael O'Leary and the one euro pint of Guinness (which I'm sure you've all heard before).............

Micheal O'Leary, arrives in a hotel in Dublin, he goes to the bar and asks for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O'Leary."

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition," said the barman, "and we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8 p.m. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland."

"That is a remarkable value," comments Michael.

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 euros please."

O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 euros. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you a Euro."

"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please?"

Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains, "Nobody would fit in that little frame".

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of 4 euros for your seat sir."

O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you," added the barman. "Since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 euros."

O'Leary was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 euro please."

O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."

"I've had enough, What sort of bar is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his E-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday by dialing this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 cents per second."

"I will never use this bar again!"

"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints for one Euro."

Excellent

When I was still at work, a well known local councillor asked me what discount I could get him from a new Suzuki Swift.
Not being keen on the fellow; my answer was, "the same percentage as you can get me from my Council Tax"
I can't get you a discount, he replied.
"Well, you have your answer" I said.
He then added, I'll go and buy something else then.
I answered "You are lucky to have that choice"

The councillor left in a huff.

The owner of the café, laughing, gave me a free coffee.

Good one

Nice one Simon!

It's going to cost them a lot of money in Italy. They have cancelled 702 flights and may have to pay as much as a total of 20 million euro to compensate passengers and pay for alternate flights.

We have a game with many of our customers (the nice ones). When it gets to the default "we want 50% discount" discussions we add a request of our own. Friends and family discount on the customers products. It has worked surprisingly well with many of them.

Howdens were very friendly and offered us a decent margin on the kitchen units for example. Nothing like the discount level we offered on our software but still a decent perk.

I am surprised more people don't look for this old fashioned and friendly barter system in business. It is a bit of a perk for all our staff.

Compliance has probably helped in killing that....but business is a trade.

Ryanair brought the problem on themselves. If they had a little old-fashioned respect for their staff and passengers this crisis would never have happened.