Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

Letter to Parish Magazine:

I think my neighbour is growing cannabis in his garden, but he swears it's cabbage. What should I do?

Answer:

Go round and ask if you can smoke some. If you're still worried, it's cabbage.

Is it a posh area?
If so it could be Savoy cabbage.
Less posh....kale
Crap area....dandelions or cannabis.
Any Vietnamese residents?

I went into Currys yesterdays and asked the assistant

Can I buy a Kettle from you?

Kenwood ?

Oh ok, can you tell me where he is then please

Lol

I went to the Gym and asked about starting Yoga classes. The chap says

Ok lets start. How flexible are you ?

Well, I cant do Wednesdays or Fridays.

Arthur Davidson, the founder of the Harley-Davidson died and went to heaven.
At the gates Saint Peter said: “Welcome my son. You have always been a good person. Your bikes have dominated the world of motorcycles so you may meet whoever you like.”
Arthur said he wanted to meet God and Saint Peter introduced him to God.

God said: “So you are the founder of Harley-Davidson?”

“Indeed I am” said Arthur.

God answered: “That wasn’t a very good creation. It’s an unstable vehicle, makes a lot of noise, very polluting , complicated to service and a very high mpg.”

Arthur was a bit flabbergasted and replied: “Excuse me but didn’t you create woman?”

“I did.” said God.

“Ok. As we are two professionals: your creation was an average job. The front suspension is very unreliable, she is very loud and talks too much, in most cases the rear suspension is too weak en shakes a lot. The intake is too close to the exhaust and maintenance cost is exuberant.”

God replied: “You may be right, my creation has faults but if I consult my data, there are more men using my creation than they are using yours.”

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,

the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

On FB today

How true.