Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

A large women , wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar.
She raised her arm, revealing a huge hairy arm pit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked . "What man in here will buy a lady a drink?".
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignor her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, " Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down . She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit , and asked . "What man here will buy a lady a drink?". Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said. "Give the ballerina another drink!".

The bartender approached the little drunk and said , "Tell me, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?.


The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!".

I could have guessed, very good!

Great one Peter - don't have a dog but I'll check the garage.

Third prize being sent to a penal colony

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS /
A:It's the same as a French kiss , but 'downunder.'

Q:WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS/
a:Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.

Q:WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A:Because when they come, the're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q:WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A:Because they don't have any b*lls to scratch...

Q:What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A:Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

A 3-year old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath . "Mom", he asked , "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet", she replied.

I overheard to lads in a pub the other day

I could not help but hear them in their mid 20s sitting at a table


One lad says to his mate , man you looked tired.

His mate said I'm exhausted , my girlfriend and me have sex all the time . I just don't know what to do .


A chap about my age 76 sitting a couple of tables down had also over-heard the conversation .


He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says,
"Marry her , that'll put a stop to that!".

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat, and one says to the other : "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs. "Odd," her companion replies, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do".

As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling.

"Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs please!", says one, The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'


The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers: "What part did you get".

Mick's 18th Birthday

Mick had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Mick's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Paddy took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Mick, stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Paddy just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Mick went to see his grandmother.

"Grandma he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Mick's, troubled eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya idiot!"