Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

Pleased you put the word JOKE at the end . The mind was starting to boggle I had folded my legs thinking of the pain .

Would'nt know never tried it. Hint Hint

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

A turkey was chatting to a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree " sighed the turkey , "but I haven't got the energy.'
"Well why don't you nibble on some of my droppings ?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch .

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree .

He was spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

the moral is
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top , but it won't keep you there..

A little bird was flying South for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While lying there in a pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay all warm and happy , and soon began to sing for joy.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

The morals are

1/. Not everyone who Sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2/. Not everyone who gets you out of the sh*t is your friend.
3/. And lastly when you are in deep sh*t , it's better to keep your mouth shut!

JTL,
I think it's about time you went into the self publishing business in time for a Xmas edition of " Jokes from the Frozen North"

Reg the bloody PC has not let me onto TM most of the day saying its getting serviced . Lucky TM , what next TM Jnr. The jokes I had was off my late mate and I had ran them dry this m/ing . But has luck has it was cleaning a cupboard out under the stairs and found a load of rather blue ones printed out that he had sent me . So got a few more to cheer people up while its winter.

Whats the difference between a hooker ? and a drug dealer .
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again .



Whats the difference between 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaah'
About three inches.

Reg since you mention Christmas here is a joke about it . You can say its a late early one.


A Christmas story for those who are having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel Pre-Christmas pressure .

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer , he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out. Heaven knows where.

Then he began to load his sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went into the cupboard , he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and had hidden the liquor . In his frustration , he accidentally dropped the cider jug and it broke into hundreds of little pieces of glass all over the kitchen floor . He went to get the broom and the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang and and irritated Santa marched to the door, Yanked it open, and there stood a little fairy with a great big Christmas tree.

The fairy said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa". "Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you". "Where would you like me to stick it ?."


And so began the tradition of the little fairy on top of the Christmas tree....