A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly. "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his oldest grandson to his bedside:
"Grandson, I wanna you lisina me. I wanna you to taka my chroma-plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
The grandson holds his old grandfathers hand and pats it. "But Pappa, I really don't like guns and I would not want to offend you. But how about you
leaving me your 24 karat gold Rolex watch instead, eh?"
The grandfather pulls his hand away. "You lisina me, soma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, you gonna hava lotsa money, a big gorgeousa home and maybe a couple bambinos. Thena soma day you goina coma home and maybe a you finda your wife in bed with
another man. Whata you gonna do then? Huh?Pointa to youa watch and say. 'TIMES UP?'"
