Medical issues......
First one.
I went to the doctors with a jelly stuck in one ear and custard in the other.

The doctor asked, 'what seems to be the problem?'

I said 'you have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf.'

Second one.
Bloke goes to the Doctor.
"I've got a problem, Doctor - every time I fart, it sounds like a Japanese motorbike"
"Bend over, let's have a look" *shines a torch up there* "Ah yes, you have an abcess, some tablets will cure that"
"Abcess? Would that cause it?"
"Of course - everyone knows that abcess makes the fart go 'Honda'"

Plus Four MY23 Furka Rouge