I was in our local Waitrose store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story).

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's backside and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from Waitrose - could anyone get my shopping for me please?

Better watch what you ask retired people. We have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Well you lot should know that, don’t we?

Dirk

1993 Morgan +4 (Connaught Green)
2009 Mini Cooper D
2008 BMW 320d
1994 Ford Motorhome