Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Monday humour

I was standing at a bar at an over 60s do minding my own business .
A big fat ugly woman grabbed my ass and said " You are cute have you a phone phone number ?"
I said "yes have you a pen".
She said "yes I have a pen "
So I replied "you better get back in it before the farmer misses you ".


I went to the chemist and asked the woman "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please. "
She replied "Do you need a paper bag with that" .
I said " "no she is not that bad looking" .


I was talking to a young woman in the over 60s last night .
She came out with "If you lost a few pounds , had a shave and got your haircut, You would look all right."
I replied " If I did that , I'd be chatting to your friends over their instead of you."


I was telling a woman in the club about my ability to Guess what day a woman she was born just by feeling her breasts .
"Really" she said , Go on then.. try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to loose patience and said , " Come on, what day was I born ?"
I said "Yesterday."


I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today . The life guard shouted so loud I nearly fell in .


I went to our over 60s last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table .
I said , " Good legs."
She giggled and said , "Do you really think so ?"
I said, "Definitely! Most table would have collapsed by now ".