The zoo keeper was concerned about his prize female gorilla who was pining for her lost mate. He had called every zoo in the world but none had a spare male they were willing to part with, so in the end he realised he would have to pay a male human 50 pounds to satisy the giant randy ape.

He went to the pub where he knew big Murphy the Irish Navvy would be drinking.

"Murphy, I have a major problem with our female gorilla. She's needing a good shagging and there's no male gorilla to satisfy her. How do you fancy giving her a good seeing to for 50 quid?"

Big Murphy slowly finishes his pint, puts his glass on the bar, and after a lot of thought and head scratching replies to the keeper:

"Alright" he says "I'll do it. But there's 3 conditions".

"Brilliant" replies the keeper "Whatever you say - we're desperate not to lose her"

"OK, the first condition is this - no foreplay. I don't mind doing the business, but I ain't doin' none of that fancy stuff. No kissin' and cuddlin' just in and out"

"No problem" says the keeper.

"And me second condition is this. If there's any offspring from this unholy union I don't want me name on any birth certificate. I got enough problems with all me kids and wives back in Ireland. I don't want no-one to know anythin' about all this".

"Guaranteed" says the keeper "you have my word on it - total anonymity, and no chance ever of any DNA tests. Now what's your third and final condition?"

Murphy takes a deep breath, finishes another pint of Guinness, scratches his head and says "Can you give me a couple of days to get the 50 quid together?"

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