Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

I called y/day a/noon so see Rita , told her that in hospital Fred had spoke of a holiday cruise in the Fjords and we could go together . She said "no way you two together would not stop mucking about, you are like twins you both know what each other is thinking you do the same thing . "I just ed . There is to be an outopsy then no church service Fred was like me athiest so its straight from the house to the crem and back to the house. June and I went up at 7pm to spend the evening Rita knows me as well as June . She said " if you go upstairs into our bedroom Fred has his jewelry box on the windosill go and pick yourself a pair of his cufflinks ". I went up with June who likes to see what I wear , Rita shouted "the two of you in our bedroom I am timing you". I replied "your watch better be able to do milliseconds". I could hear her laughter the cuff links have a classic car on so it was easy. We came down stairs showed Rita what we picked and got a wonderful comment . "John thats what I love about you can make me laugh in seconds till I split my sides ". ( I was doing it for Fred )
I have one up my sleeve for the people in the house after the crem . June knows about it because I want to cheer Rita up and what I am going to do she will remember when ever she thinks of that day.

In 1967 Fred met Rita and started courting . I was in a local pub with two mates one Sunday night , one lad had two many got into the rear of the P6 ( Which was spotless ) and brought his stomach up over the seats , it stank .
Rita's parents lived 100 yards away, I had dropped Fred off a few times but never seen anyone but Rita.
I drove to the door which had a long frosted glass window down the middle ( knock knock) a pretty girl came to the door ( it was Janet her older sister )she spoke through a closed door .
I asked was Fred in and got who is Fred , this went on for a good while she never opened the door . I told her your sisters boyfriend and got a load of she did not know a Fred . Then it clicked Rita was using Freds posh name Frederick ( Fred ) Clive . I said Clive . " Yes thats him " . A duster was pushed threw the letter box and served its purpose.
Everytime Rita, Fred and I met I always had it brought up and they would . Janet was told by her dad not to open the door to strange men even if they only wanted a duster . Sounds like a good chat up line.
I have not seen Janet for 30 year , so in the house I am going to ask Rita to come with me then speak up and tell Janet I have something for her . Put my hand in my pocket and pull out a duster and say there's your duster back love I washed it. I know Rita will be in stitches others won't have a clue ( that makes it more funny ) and as time passes by she will not forget it .

This may interest a few lads while talking I spoke of Freds dad he was a big chap I knew he had been in the war in the Grenadier Guards . What I never knew on chatting he had been a POW of the Japs they had pulled out all his toe nails . Another time he crawled up a chimney to escape them it zig zagged and he crawled along them . They shot up the chimney with a machine gun but he had got away .
Dad told me it was well known when he returned he had to go to the local dole office and the mouse who was in charge never lifted a finger not even in the home guard.
He tried to be bossy and nasty to Freds dad . Who jumped over the counters smashed open this blokes cupboards and stuffed every document into the burning pot belly stoves . They but bars up straight away to stop anyone getting over again , fighting the Japs for years and you return to that no wonder he lost his temper.