The missus bought a paperback
down Dymock's Saturday,
I had a look in her bag
Twas "fifty shades of grey. "

Well I just left her to it
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope
and in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor
and began to strip.

Well fifty year's or so ago
I might have had a peak
But Doris hasn't weathered well
She's eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet
A couple minutes later
She put her teeth back in and....
Said....I must dominate her!!

Now if you know our Doris
You'd see just why I spluttered
I,d spent two months in traction
for the last complaint I,d muttered

She stood there nude , naked like
bent forward just a bit
I thought what the hell
Stepped forward
and stood on her left tit !

Doris screamed , her teeth shot out
my God what have I done !?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"step on the other one"!!

Well reader's I can't tell no more
About what occurred that day
suffice to say my jet black hair
TURNED " FIFTY SHADE'S OF GREY" .