BBC Breaking News: UK Suicide Bombers go on Strike.



Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday, in a
dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.



Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a
suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from
72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings
has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.)
responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called
for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return
but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth" Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the
West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with
our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands."

"They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive market-place

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the after-life
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like
cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow
themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire
Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership, as there are
so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has
been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists
now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

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