HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMIST

The following is reported to be an actual question set a UK University Chemistry Paper, together with the answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the lecturer shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: I'm not convinced, but I do like the logic!

Bonus Question:(5 marks)
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that believe in Heaven and Hell that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, the only logical conclusion is that all souls go to Hell as everyone will fail to meet the entry to heaven criteria of one or more beliefs. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase significantly, but not exponentially.

Now, we need to consider the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept a statement given to me by Anabella during my first year, in which she said “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then theory number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Anabella kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

Peter,
66, 2016 Porsche Boxster S
No longer driving Tarka, the 2014 Plus 8...