A Yorkshire Dales farmer is leaning on his gate, and sees a man dressed in bright goretex walking gear drinking water from the stream, using his hand as a cup.

The farmer calls out - "Ay up cock, tha divent wanna be drinkin from theer, 's full o horspiss 'n cowshite"

The man looks up, mystified. "I'm from London, could you say that again more slowly?"

The farmer smiles. "IF ... YOU ... USE ... BOTH ... HANDS ... YOU ... WON'T ... SPILL ... ANY"