Talk Morgan Forums Community The Malvern Arms Tongue in cheek Friday humour

For the Internationally broad minded

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved" They may have to raise them again soon to "Irritated" or even "A bit cross" The English have not been " A bit cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been Re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A bloody nuisance" The last time the English used "A bloody nuisance was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "pissed off" to "lets get the bastards" They don't have any other levels which is why they have been in the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French have announced that they have raised their terrorist alert level from "Run" to "Hide" The only levels higher in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender" The rise was precipitated by a recent fire in their white flag factory, effectively destroying their military capability.

Italy has increased its threat level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing".They have two more threat levels "Ineffective combat operations" and "Lets change sides"

The Germans have moved from "Disdainful arrogance" "Dress in uniform, and sing marching songs" They also have two higher levels, "Invade a neighbour" and "lose"

Belgians however are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about, is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited, they want to deploy their submarines. They have glass bottoms, so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good view of the old Spanish navy.

Meanwhile Australia has raised its security level from " No worries" to "She'll be alright mate". Two more escalation levels remain, "Crickey! We may have to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled" So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last escalation.