I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a fewpounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

My mate Paddy rang me and said he's just got this bargain coat from House of Frazer. Originally it was £400 but he got it for just
£25. He said it was supposed to be slightly imperfect but he's had a look all over and the only thing he can find is one sleeve slightly
longer than the other two!

People should lay off Lance Armstrong I think what he achieved was amazing... When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike!

2009 4/4 Henrietta
1999 Indigo Blue +8
2009 4/4 Sport Green prev
1993 Connaught Green +8 prev