From today's Daily Mirror...

Dave’s Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2013

1. Rob Auton - “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.”

2. Alex Horne - “I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.”

3. Alfie Moore - “I’m in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same.”

4. Tim Vine - “My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.”

5. Gary Delaney - “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.”

6. Phil Wang - “The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.”

7. Marcus Brigstocke - “You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.”

8. Liam Williams - “The universe implodes. No matter.”

9. Bobby Mair - “I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance.”

10. Chris Coltrane - “The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately.”

Some of the worst one-liners voted for include
Simon Lilley - “I thought ex-pats were people who used to be called Pat.”

Geoff Norcott - “My wife said to me recently, ‘Do you fancy going gay clubbing?’ I said, ‘No, it sounds violent’.”

Tim Vine - “I once did a gig in a zoo. I got babooned off.”

Ben Van Der Velde - “Swastika in Geordie means something that used to be a sticker.”

Nikhil Tiwali - “What do you call a pink flower that comes back from the dead? A re-in-carnation.”

Pat Cahill - “90 per cent of baking injuries are stress-related. There are people up and down the country having mental bake-downs.”



Giles. Mogless in Paris.