These will offend almost everyone....
but probably only a few here..

Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians:
No nuts or screwing involved,
It’s all tongue and groove.


A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol;
Police say it's definitely race related.


Due to a water shortage in Ireland,
Dublin swimming baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8.


I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest,
but explaining they were not a dating agency.


Such an unfair world.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it’s considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man it costs £2.50/min (charges may vary)


Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?"
She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".


Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then.
God, I love my new Taser!


Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he’s mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it.
It's Spam.


They say that sex is the best form of exercise.
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.

Peter,
66, 2016 Porsche Boxster S
No longer driving Tarka, the 2014 Plus 8...